The subjectivity of time

Time is a very subjective thing.

When you're looking forward to something it seems to go so slowly. You count down the days and it seems like forever away, all the anticipation and excitement.

Consider summer holidays when you're a child. You look forward to them for so long, you can't wait to finish school and enjoy six weeks off. It goes slowly at first, just a long summer ahead. But by the end of August it's hard to believe it's almost over, and it suddenly speeds up.

And when there's something you really, really don't want to happen...time suddenly seems much shorter. It goes by much more quickly. 'A couple of months'. That can seem like ages away if there's something exciting planned in 'a couple of months'. But if it's your worst nightmare, 'a couple of months' suddenly seems so short, it's not enough time, and it's so quick.

The thing about time is that sometimes it's hard to live in the present. We live in the past, going over and over old times, or we live in the future, worrying about what's to come. But sometimes the best thing to do is take each day as it comes, to live in the present and to take time to enjoy things as they come. Because one day something hits you out of the blue and your life changes forever.

Hospice

My mum is going to stay in the hospice tomorrow, just for a couple of days so that they can sort out the medications she's on and her insulin and get the pain under control.

It's a strange feeling knowing that your mum is going to go and stay in a hospice. I think it's because of the stereotype that hospices are where people go to die. It doesn't work that way; hospices do so, so much more than that. They offer support for the pain and medications, throughout the treatments, practical and financial support, emotional support and counselling, etc etc. They've been great so far, I don't know what I'd do without them.

Nevertheless, it is still a strange feeling. I'm ok on the outside, it doesn't seem to affect me much at home. But inside it hurts a lot sometimes.

Results :)

So...

I got a First in my degree apparently! That in itself was a huge surprise - I was just hoping for a 2.1 overall, but it averaged out as a First overall, mainly due to getting a First on my Final Year Project (which was worth quite a large percentage of my final marks).

The second major surprise was that I got home from Essex on Thursday night, checked my uni e-mails and received an e-mail saying that I have been awarded the Board of Examiners' 2011 prize for Final Year performance!

I haven't got a clue why: I've looked at my transcript and can't see anything amazing at all - I got 81% overall in Forensic Psychology and 71% overall for my project, but those were the only really good marks I got and they're nothing particularly special! But I'm not complaining, I'm so proud of myself at the moment.

If nothing else, I'm just glad we're at this point and that things are still ok at the moment. With the year we've had even just completing the exams was a huge achievement, let alone anything else. And I'm definitely considering future research now!

Procrastination and burnout!

How does exam revision suddenly seem so demotivating the day before the exam? I've kept detailed notes for each lecture with relevant readings throughout the year, I've done hours and hours of revision every day since April to shorten my notes done (in lots of different colours and everything, very important!), and the exams so far (4/5 completed) have gone ok (I think! Let's hope I don't regret saying that! Although is it just me who always comes out of exams feeling like I haven't written enough? I see people writing pages and pages and pages, and each of my essays today was only 1.5 pages long!)

...And then for the last two or three days, I have lost all motivation! Everything seems more appealing than revision: I've taken all my posters off the wall, packed up as much of my things as I can (moving out of my flat after exam tomorrow to go back home again!), I've put some of the boxes in my car, I've made some ice cubes, read some forums, looked up postgraduate degrees and ideas for research (seriously, I can manage to look up and be interested by research that I don't need to remember and write about tomorrow, I just don't have the enthusiasm for what I do need to write about!) I got back from my exam at about 12:05pm today, it's now 3:38pm and since I got in so far I have done precisely...nothing.

I think it's just complete mental exhaustion. I've worked so hard and stressed so much that I think my brain's just decided it needs a rest! I want to wake up in the morning and not feel like I should be revising, I want to watch rubbish TV all night, to browse pointless things on the internet, to plan things to do all summer, to go training and enjoy the freedom of being there and knowing I don't have to go home and revise.

Ah well...20 hours from now and it's over! And then freedom begins. :)

The words used in children's advertising. And we wonder why boys like blue and girls like pink!

Ok, oversimplified maybe. But it does say a lot about the role of expectations and stereotypes in children's gender identity. Boys are expected to like guns and battle games, rough-and-tumble. Girls are expected to like dolls and magic, pink sparkly things!

And children absorb these expectations. In 1994, Parke said that parents' reactions to emotional displays help a child to develop their sense of self. And these get internalised - boys learn that they should be 'strong', for girls it is far more acceptable to be emotional. Boys' self-descriptions have been found to change depending on if they're alone or in front of a group of other boys (Banjeree & Lintern, 2000).

Children learn to describe themselves and their gender from a very early age (by age 3, 90% are correct at identifying their gender!). Not long after this they begin to segregate - girls play with girls, boys play with boys (well, until we reach the teenage years...another story!)

In one study on gender roles, mothers played with a baby who was dressed up as either a boy or a girl. The researchers found out that when the baby was believed to be a girl, the mothers offered the baby a doll. When they believed it was a boy, they offered a train. So even as very young infants the expectations of adults have an influence on our lives - clothes, behaviour, toys, emotions, everything!

I just find this quite interesting. :)

Where to start...

So...where to start?

I don't really know much about writing blogs, it's not something I've ever done before. I decided to create this blog basically because I was browsing some posts from a blog I read regularly (The Paramedic's Diary) and I decided I felt like writing something.

I'm not entirely sure what I'm even looking to gain from this blog (good start, I know!). Unfortunately I'm not an overly interesting person and I don't have a huge amount to say! What I do know is that there is a hell of a lot going on in my life right now, and I also know that sometimes it's easier to get things out on paper than it is out loud. I know that I enjoy writing, and I know that I'm struggling right now with the things that are going on in my life - things that most of my friends haven't experienced yet, which makes it quite lonely sometimes. So let's think of this blog maybe almost as an 'online diary', so to speak.

I can't imagine that anyone will be particularly interested in reading this, but just in case anyone is...where shall I start about myself?

I'm 21-years-old, and my name's Liv obviously. I'm going into my third and final year of studying Psychology with Clinical Psychology, but not entirely sure where to go after that. Clinical Psychology is the obvious choice, but one that I'm not so sure about anymore. My main interest in life at the moment is the police but for various reasons that is unlikely, so other potential options are Forensic Psychology (very possible at the moment), Educational Psychology, Sport Psychology, or possibly Mental Health Nursing.

Well, I think I've rambled on enough now for a first blog post...so yes, welcome to my blog, I guess!